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Episodes
Dive into the minds of two of the most interesting Canadians in Canada. What makes us tick? What makes you tick? Join us on the Patio to find out.
Episodes
Oct 20, 2026
Oct 20, 2026
48 min
POLITICS, POOR INTERNET, OH MY
Ryan or Kurt's internet cuts out. We blame Telus for everything bad that has ever happened to us. Watching reels on the stovetop touchscreen.
Plus, Patio Lanterns High S2E4: Homecoming.
Read the rest of this entry »Oct 10, 2026
Oct 10, 2026
1 hr 32 sec
BACK TO BACHELOR
Kurt adjusts to life in Victoria, returns to the cool corporate office, navigates an unreasonable number of locked doors, and turns his Pilates studio into a swimming pool. Ryan touches grass, loses his shoes, and loses Billy. Plus, was Gears of War: E-Day inspired by Kelowna?
Read the rest of this entry »Sep 23, 2026
Sep 23, 2026
1 hr 37 min
IT'S A KURT EPISODE
Kurt is back from his trip. Kurt makes The Decision. And we crown the Song of the Summer for 2026.
Read the rest of this entry »Sep 1, 2026
Sep 1, 2026
1 hr 17 min
The question to the answer everybody wants to know.
Patio Lanterns High returns (S2E3). We determine the final Song of the Summer finalists. Ryan’s weddings. And a very important announcement that raises significantly more questions than it answers.
Read the rest of this entry »Aug 11, 2026
Aug 11, 2026
1 hr 9 sec
HOW CAN YOU NOT BE ROMANTIC ABOUT SPIDER-MAN?
Randy's just gotta figure out what Chunky's deal is (or who he is). Kurt and Ryan are trapped inside as fire and smoke engulf the province. We saw Spider-Man: Brand New Day.
Read the rest of this entry »Jul 24, 2026
Jul 24, 2026
1 hr 16 min
WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH ME?
Randy struggles to use a bidet. Kurt and Ryan journey to Valhalla. Movies, movies, movies: We discuss Spider-Man (nope, not the new one), Resident Evil, Obsession, and Backrooms.
Read the rest of this entry »Jul 1, 2026
Jul 1, 2026
1 hr 4 min
CLAP THOSE CHEEKS
We watched Avatar: Fire and Ash. Colonel Quaritch won't stop chasing blue booty. The AirPod epidemic. Ryan just felt like running. Taking AI interviews just to feel something.
Read the rest of this entry »Jun 18, 2026
Jun 18, 2026
57 min
SPORTS
Kurt meets his performative male rival in Montreal. Is reformer Pilates a scam? Finding good matcha (we can't). Hockey nights are cancelled in Canada. Florida Georgia Line returns before we get Fast X Part II. Plus, a very supportive surprise guest.
Read the rest of this entry »May 28, 2026
May 28, 2026
45 min
PILATES HUNT DRINK COKE ZERO
Ryan prepares for a folk fest. Kurt looks to become a travel pilates guru. The boys test Coke Zero mixed with vanilla protein powder for science. Luke Bryan’s newest summer anthem. Mark Zuckerberg getting jacked. What is HYROX...more like WHYROX. Plus, Americans are officially taking over the Patio Lanterns listenership.
Read the rest of this entry »May 15, 2026
May 15, 2026
1 hr 31 min
MONKEY TROUBLE
Randy is back from Bali and won’t stop talking about his new travel neck pillow. He recounts his escape from what can only be described as a coordinated monkey takeover. Meanwhile, Kurt tries Pilates.
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